


A Murder Of Crows.

by Lanna Michaels (lannamichaels)



Category: Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: Crack, Ficlet, Serial Killer Mrs. Bennet, Solving problems with the judicious use of murder, The Longbourn Entail
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-25 04:15:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14370708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannamichaels/pseuds/Lanna%20Michaels
Summary: Mrs. Bennet breaks the entail in her own way.





	A Murder Of Crows.

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes knowing nothing about 19th century legal matters means you're standing in the kitchen making lunch and thinking "could they fix the entail situation by killing Mr. Collins? And then every other distant male relative?" and then writing a fic instead of looking that up :P

It started after that ungrateful girl declined Mr. Collins's proposal. Did she have no thought for her poor mother's nerves? And that man, immediately going off to offer for the Lucas's eldest instead of looking to Mary! It could not be borne. Mrs. Bennet would not have Charlotte Lucas and her son inherit Longbourn. It would be too deep a humiliation.

"Oh, Mr. Collins," she trilled one day, "you must come with me to Meryton." The weather was fine. It was a shame they did not see the snake. Mrs. Bennet's cries could be heard for miles. She was inconsolable and took to her bed for a week.

The following Dr. Collins, an uncle, proved not to be as strong a swimmer as he claimed he was. His body was never found, despite Mrs. Bennet's fervent and fevered entreaties and prayers. His brother, the soldier, was too old for Lydia's interest, but old enough to provoke Lt. Denny into a dawn bout of foolishness. Neither survived. Mrs. Bennet was profoundly relieved that her favorite daughter had never married such a foolish man. To be widowed in such a way!

They were then treated to a parade of distant Bennets.

The first Mr. Bennet had a weak constitution. He needed little help to develop a cough, and six weeks after he departed, they received a letter from his widow. As he had only daughters, the lawyer's hair began to change colors as he contemplated the much-reduced family tree.

The second Mr. Bennet, an orphan attending Cambridge, enjoyed showing off his riding to the ladies of the house. It was very distressing when he fell from the horse and died before a doctor could be fetched. Mrs. Bennet, the only one present for this demonstration, took to her bed for a fortnight from the shock.

The third and fourth Bennets were penniless brothers who had moved to America to find their fortune and could not be reached, although many attempts were made. Mrs. Bennet assumed they were either dead or had no interest in an estate, and were therefore no concern of hers.

The final Mr. Bennet who arrived a year later may have been a fraud. It was no matter. He was a gambler. It was truly a shame that, in the dark, he had mistaken some of the children's toys for Mrs. Bennet's jewels. It was truly a shame that, drunk, he tried to use them at the card table. When they found his body some days later, Mrs. Bennet fainted, moaning that they were cursed.

Eventually the lawyers could find no more relatives. Mrs. Bennet was satisfied. God might not understand, but God didn't have five daughters.

**Author's Note:**

> [this post on dreamwidth](https://lannamichaels.dreamwidth.org/1002331.html); [this post on tumblr](https://lannamichaels.tumblr.com/post/173105934995/a-murder-of-crows-448-words-by-lanna-michaels)


End file.
